….When we look back and contemplate
What we’ve been through this year,
We’ll praise You, Lord, for all You’ve done—
Your faithfulness is clear. —Sper….
I was going to write a post with a bunch of my new years resolutions. I already posted one earlier this week 🙂 – but I do have many more… so I thought an even better post would be to reflect on things this past year.
2010 brought a lot.
Im not even sure where to start.
I experienced another pregnancy in 2010… my hardest yet… with bed rest, early labor and frustrations. I remember wishing for labor night after night as early as 34 weeks, because I was so miserable… yet I think because of that hard pregnancy, I realized how selfish I was being… but also what an incredible gift it is to even be able to have children on my own. Some women never get to experience it… yet here I was complaining about how bad I wanted it to end. Its funny how at the time you think its ok to be a certain way, but afterwards see the heart of the issue. Owen has taught me so much even before he was born! Through that pregnancy, and my 1st natural labor experience I feel like I have grown leaps and bounds… and am so thankful for not having the easy road with it.
This year I became a mom of 3… and of 3 boys at that 🙂 – even cooler right? – I never thought Id be a mom of so many so young… although some days I feel so old. 3 boys under 6 will do that to almost anyone I suppose. Each child I have though my heart is filled more and more and I have an even greater desire to have more children. Is that odd? I mean really, most people have kids and after the 1st few think “phew, this is enough!” – and although I can understand those thoughts… I just cant help but think “phew, this is such a blessing!” – Its hard work… I have many days that all I want is 1 hour… just for me… there are mornings I wake up wishing I could just lounge around and watch a tv show while eating a bagel… but then I look around and realize how fast these boys are growing… and how I will one day have mornings without them… once they are grown and on their own… then, I can have that hour… There no rush tho, so slow down boys!
I have experienced such a wonderful year with my photography business… Meeting amazing photographers in my area that have challenged me and grown me! My business has given me the opportunity to help support my family even more this year… I love the fact that we have money SAVED now that is there when we need it, to bless others… and possibly will be accumulated even more to one day use towards adopting.
I got to experience some awesome ladies give birth this year… and while some may think thats kind of gross… I think its amazing… and I am so touched they even allowed me to be there for that special moment.
I started the adventure this year of officially home schooling Caleb…. and although for some time I was skeptical it work out… and dreaded the thought of not having any free time (like so many do during school hours) – to my surprise I have loved it… and I love the fact that I am with my children all the time… that I am being able to teach them… and watch them learn every single day… I was asked not to long ago by a church member how long I would home school… and if I had intentions on doing it past 6th grade… and you know, as of now… I absolutely believe I will. I have day dreams of when I will be schooling Owen and Caleb at age 10 or 11 will help me with some of those task… being able to serve in that way and be a helper to his siblings. I look forward to those days, although I am not wishing them to come any time soon… I am also enjoying them little too 🙂
Travis and I have grown this year… we have our struggles and while Id love to one day post more about those things… it really is between us and the Lord… and as of now I dont feel comfortable airing all that… but what I do know is that the Lord is molding us little by little… and I am excited about our future. We celebrate our 8th anniversary in a few days… and it really does feel like just a few years ago we were dating. The Lord knew we needed one another and has used our faults, failures and strengths to grow each of us, and grow us even more together.
The Lord blessed us this year with an awesome kitchen renovation… something I have been praying for since we moved here back in 2007. I can look back on the years I had the small dark kitchen and see however that God used those years to help me learn to be content!
My mind is drawing a blank now that Ive been writing this for a little while…
I am being interrupted be a sneaky little 6 year old who wants my attention 🙂 – yet should be having quiet time in my room with a book.
So I suppose I will end with one last thing I am learning… (its been a process to say the least)
… and that is my idea of worship.
Ive been struggling with this for years now… and still do struggle with it.
My idea of a worship service is different than what my husband grew up with.
I came from a church with contemporary Praise and Worship… with drums, guitar, flute, harp and praise bands…
I grew up with an amazing worship leader who led the church sunday after sunday with such an amazing passion!
I loved it… and I felt like it helped me worship better.
So to not have the style worship I was use to now, has been a struggle for me.
I love some hymns… but I will be totally honest, most of them make me sleepy… and I struggle to worship with them.
I just think in my head “this is so dated…” and cant get past that.
I get frustrated when the music is played to slow…
I just cant get into it.
But really… its wrong how I am thinking!
Worship is not about a place.
It is not about whos singing
Or how they sing
Or what songs sound like…
Ive been reading a book called “Parenting in the Pew” this week and the woman who wrote it, her testimony on worship is amazing…
Here is what she wrote..
“There is no external circumstance that can keep you from worship,” she said (a friend of the lady who wrote the book) – With greater wisdom than sympathy, Jenemade her point… I was the problem in the pew. Jene reminded me that if the followers of Jesus could worship in chains, in hiding, in sickness, in jungles (without air conditioning!), in prison or in peril, I could learn to worship in a pew with my shoes on!….
….. Worship was for God’s glory, not my benefit! Although it was a good lesson, it was not an easy one to learn. I had to ask myself, did I truly love God just for himself?” – Taken from Parenting in the Pew Chap 2.
2010 has taught me a lot…
but I have a feeling 2011 is going to teach me even more!
Maybe I made sense through this remembering spill of mine… maybe I didn’t 🙂
I wrote this pretty much for me to reflect myself.. but thought it be good to record as well.
I feel blessed….